Commissioners Temporarily Borrow “Money Manager” from CCS School Board
Satire by Robert A. Williams
April 1, 2014-Shelby: A response to a Freedom of Information Request submitted to the Cleveland County Board of Commissioners has confirmed that the Commissioners have been greatly impressed with how the School Board secret “Money Manager” (later identified as “Spanky” Foster, first cousin to “Skippy” Foster, by a secret source at the Star who is afraid for her job) has wasted so much money and managed to make the taxpaying public laugh at the same time. The Commissioners have been impressed to the point that the commissioners want to borrow the CCS Money Manager so they can do the same thing. Commissioner Chairman Jason Falls was so impressed that he took School Board Chairman, Jack “The Hammer” Hamrick, to lunch at the Country Club for lunch every day using a stolen CCS credit card for two whole months to seal the deal. CCS never even found out their credit card was stolen. Falls also stipulated in his contract with the CCS Money Manager that Spanky would also act as his campaign manager during “Jason Falls for Commissioner” 2014 re-election campaign.
Jason Falls was overheard by the former County Finance Director (who was promptly fired) instructing Spanky that “everybody is happy when you are throwing money at them, so keep throwing tax money until I am re-elected. Especially during the 2014-2015 budget vote. Once I am re-elected I can raise taxes and the people cannot do one thing about it.” Spanky said he would proudly throw taxpayer money out the window and make the people laugh even more that when he was approving all the credit card purchases at CCS. The money manager continued, “If you thought all the CCS Billboards and payments to the Star was a waste of money, I will spend every dime of the $100 million hospital sale and the money will be gone without a trace. You won’t even have to mention it in your budget”
A handshake and the deal was done between Jason Falls and Spanky. As an aside; Commissioner Eddie Holbrook, also up for re-election, has been so livid that Jason Falls beat him to a deal with Spanky that Holbrook has vowed to get another $1 million donation from the hospital sale to go the American Legion World Series of bust.
Spanky is presently using an office window on the South side of the County Office Building, The Charley Harry Building, as his location for throwing away taxpayer money. The office is directly connected to the tax collection offices to provide an efficiency in wasting money that even Jason Falls has stated “this is even better than
Spanky did at CCS.” Spanky is scheduled to return to CCS on November 5, 2014 to help the five incumbent school board members get re-elected in 2015.
Editor’s Note: Folks, this is a satire and any resemblance between this article and the truth is totally coincidental. Laugh if you can. Cry if you must. But in the meantime, on Tuesday November 4, 2014, single-shot vote for Willie B. McIntosh for Cleveland County Commissioner. Remember, Willie McIntosh was the only Commissioner to vote against school merger!! Let Jason Falls, Eddie Holbrook and Spanky decide who gets the other open seat on the Commissioner Board.